My Chaotic Life

Well, obviously  my life has been a little chaotic since I haven't even been able to find the time to write lately! Between working 1-3 days a week, having 1-2 days of clinical a week, and trying to balance everything at home, I'm starting to feel a little out of control! Of course, in the middle of all that, I also decided to make a huge career/life/school change and decided to switch my Master's major from Women's Health to Midwifery!!

Now, I have to say this: I have felt the pull to become a midwife for probably the last 10 years, but I never thought I'd actually do it, for a couple of reasons. I honestly don't have the highest self-confidence, so I figured there is no way I am actually smart enough or will be good enough to do that. I mean, that is a ton of responsibility to have, knowing you're literally holding the outcomes of two patients in your hands. Second, where we lived in MN, I would have had to travel too far for my clinical experiences, and I really didn't want to leave my family for that long-not when my kids are this little. Third, I wasn't sure I wanted to work nights, weekends, and holidays anymore.

But you know what?? Two of my NP friends and I all started talking about the fact that we can't imagine never delivering a baby again...and we all started feeling the pull again. So, we all 3 dove head first into the adventures of becoming a Certified Nurse-Midwife! And honestly, I have never felt as at peace as I did immediately after making that decision. Is it going to be a huge adjustment for my entire family? Of course! But what kind of example would I be setting for my kiddos if I didn't go after my dreams, simply because of logistics? I'd be telling them that if there are road blocks, then take the easier route. And that's just not OK. The easier route isn't going to make me happy in the long run. It isn't going to be satisfying or fulfilling. So, I am tackling the barriers and going for my dreams! I just hope they can understand and forgive me for some of the sacrifices it means our family will have to make.

Now, before I go, I have to explain what a CNM is. Because I know a lot of you out there are thinking, so a midwife is just someone who delivers babies at home, or they are like a doula who just is a support person to the mom in labor. NOPE!! A Nurse Midwife is someone (female or male!!) who was a nurse first, and then went back for their Masters degree. They are basically a Nurse Practitioner who takes care of women all across their lifespan (from puberty through geriatrics) in the clinic and who also delivers babies (either in a home, birthing center or hospital). Some places, Midwives only care for low-risk pregnancies. Other places, they care for higher-risk mamas, and just have OB back-up. The only thing a Nurse Midwife cannot do that an OB doctor can, is C-sections. We don't do C-sections. Thats it!! Awesome huh?? :D I think so anyway! And that being said, we can still be trained to help in C-sections if we want, as the assistant, so truly, we're very versatile providers! Personally, I feel that I will be a midwife who is less-interventional and more natural as far as the progression of labor. That being said, that doesn't mean I won't support my mamas who want medicated births! There is a difference between intervening in the labor process and giving medications to help with pain. Huge difference! My goal in life is to assist mamas in having the birth that they dreamed of in the safest way possible for mom and baby. Happy, healthy  moms and babies. It is possible!

Honestly, as much as I feel like school is killing me, taking away my life, and making me a bad, inattentive mom, I also know it is helping me discover who I am and who I want to be as a person, a mother, and a professional. I can't wait to see what life has in store for me and to keep you all posted as I go! I hope you all have a great, happy and positive day!

The Things Kids Say...

Since we had kids, we just haven't been as good at attending church as we'd like to be. Between moving to a new town, starting new jobs, having babies, and just wanting to sleep in, we became people who only go to church on the holidays. Now that we've moved again, and the kids are getting older, we're determined to get back into the church. So, last weekend for Easter we went to a new church here and both really liked it. We decided to go back again today and liked it just as well this time.

One thing I love about this church is that they have a Children's Circle where the kids are all invited to the front and the Pastor talks to them about what his sermon will be about. Both kids have wanted to go up both weeks (probably because they discovered last week there are suckers at the end!) so we went up again today.

Pastor asked the kids, "What is something that people are afraid of?"

Before anyone else had the chance to answer, my sweet, almost-three-year-old boy pipes up and says, "Zombies!"

Thank goodness it got a laugh out of the congregation because I pretty much wanted to melt into the floor. Yup, no more watching "The Walking Dead" with Dad on Sunday nights when mom's at work!! And at least this same sweet boy had already stolen everyone's hearts earlier in the service when after the prayer was over he blurted out, quite loudly, "Amen" after everyone else. I have to admit, the fact that everyone was still kind and welcoming to us even after our son was talking about zombies, it might just be the right church for us!!

I don't know about the rest of you, but if you've ever had an almost-three-year-old son...I'm not sure how I'm going to make it to four with him!! This little boy may have my heart in the palm of his hand, but he is also going to cause me a head of grey hairs and a ton of anxiety and frustration in the next few years. Oh ya, he also blurted out, while the Pastor was behind the altar preparing the Lord's Supper, "Mom, where did the Master go?" Oh child....how I adore you!! And I'm pretty sure you will cause just as many laugh lines for me as you do grey hairs, and I am so very blessed to be your mommy!

Happy Sunday everyone, and may you have a Blessed and Entertaining week :D

Exercise & My Like/Hate Relationship

I am not an avid exerciser. I should be, I know this. Everyone should be. And I truly wish I was one of those people who just love it and can't live without it. But I'm not. I do try though, albeit in spurts. Well I'm apparently on one of those spurts right now, since two weeks ago, I decided, ok this is enough. My reason? I want to be fitter for my kids, and frankly, I want another baby. Being an OB nurse,  however, I know way too much and don't want to be overweight and put my baby and myself at risk for complications. So, I'm determined to start eating better and working out, so I can have that baby in a healthier state.

I made my "motivational wall" in my room where I have to look at it every single day. On it I have a whiteboard with some favorite HIIT workouts printed out, a squat challenge written out and an old bikini pinned to the wall next to it to motivate me. I actually started out doing really well. I got 5 days into the squat challenge, and made sure I did at least some form of exercise every day for those 5 days...and then I quit. Not intentionally...I mean who actually quits doing what's good for them intentionally? No one. But between the 3 daycare interviews, 4 homework assignments including a quiz and overall craziness going on in my life last week, I just never "found the time" to get a work out in.

Yes, there are hundreds, probably thousands of you out there rolling your eyes and saying, it doesn't take much time to get a work out in, so stop complaining and just do it. You're right. It doesn't take that much time, and it is absolutely do-able- when you really want it. When you make it a priority. And go ahead and judge me all you want, but it just was not a priority for me last week, and I refuse to feel any more guilt over that right now.
Instead, my priorities consisted of:
1. Finding a daycare that I trusted and could imagine sending my kids, my life, to 3 times a week
2. Finding a balance between not ignoring my kids and getting all of those homework assignments done, and to a standard I could live with, even though that standard just isn't always as high as I would like anymore
3. Spending a couple hours every night with my husband, just working through all his new challenges at work and catching up on our shows
4. Attending one work interview and another pre-employment drug screen after accepting a job-while trying not to feel guilty that my husband had to take time away from his work to be with the kids so I could do this
5. Going to get my facial waxing in, because, honestly, I couldn't live another day without doing it
6. Ensuring our puppy, who is gaining curiosity, didn't completely destroy our house
7. Trying to just stay sane while I count down the days to beginning my new job.

Yup, there was absolutely room to throw a work out into those days too. But it wasn't my priority so I let it go. However, this week, I am determined to try get back on track, at least a little! So yesterday, I took care of all the morning activities like breakfast, milk, etc, then turned on my old Turbo Jam DVD and did a 20 minute workout. I definitely felt rusty, but felt great after finishing it. So great, I figured I'd do a 20 minute walk/jog on the treadmill, since the kids were actually behaving and allowing me some me-time.
I set the treadmill up for the weight loss tract, threw my ear buds in and pulled up some videos to watch for school. I started walking, figuring I would just walk for a warm up and then do some jogging. But when Jillian came over the treadmill speakers and told me to keep pushing through as the incline started to increase, I figured, why not. I'll just do the walk with the incline like she has mapped out for me. And a 3% incline isn't too bad. The 5% was OK too. The 9% got me a bit more winded, and when she hiked me up to 11% I truly remembered why I also have a love/hate relationship with Miss Jillian!! The workout was set to go for 40 minutes, but I knew if I wanted a shower, 20 was all I was going to get before everyone was screaming for lunch, so I set my mind to just push through for that 20 minutes. I was lucky enough to get a short 3 minute break in there when our Financial Advisor called to go over a couple things and set up a conference call with Matt and I both for later this week. Ya, sorry sir, I was panting because I was in the middle of a workout, and technically you were interrupting, but I was OK with it! I felt great after yesterdays exercise routines...until about 6 pm!

I went to get up off the couch and my hip screamed at me! Apparently I pushed just a little too hard, because my hip flexor was not pleased and was screaming at me in pain. OK, I'll do a few stretches and get through it. By 8 pm, all I wanted to do was take a long jacuzzi and try relax my hip muscles enough to give me a break. Of course, I couldn't do that until after 9 when all kids were tucked to bed, and The Bachelor was over! As I lay relaxing, I then realized it wasn't just my inner hip flexor muscles but also the outer. Awesome. I felt like a really old lady, and could barely get comfortable laying in bed, but figured, hey tomorrow's a new day!

Well tomorrow's here and the pain might actually be a little worse, but I know I'll get through it with some ice and stretching. My pain today has reduced what I can do as far as exercise, but I guess was a great excuse to get my crunches, push-ups and arm workouts in. So I did. Nothing nearly as strenuous as yesterday, but nonetheless I did do something, and I'll choose to be proud of that today and let it be enough. Because doing something, is always better than doing nothing, and my reasons for doing so are just too stinking cute. The other reason I feel that I just have to keep doing this is that having my 2-year-old keep saying "what are you doing?" every time I'm doing a workout is not the best feeling in the world, so I'm determined to change that.

Happy Tuesday everyone! Hopefully you didn't have to make mac 'n' cheese without milk due to your lack of groceries today :) It's actually not too horrible!

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about."

Easy and yummy supper

So, I'm avid pinterest fiend. In fact, some days I feel like I'm addicted to the freaking site, which usually means I pin a bunch of stuff that I'll never do anything with later on, but sometimes, I do come across something that I just love! That was exactly the case today! I found a link to a recipe for Zesty White Chicken Enchiladas, and because I love Mexican food (I mean, really, who doesn't?!), I decided to try them the same night I found them. Luckily, I had almost all of the ingredients and could just substitute as needed for the rest. The only thing I didn't have was the green chilies, so I used a green bell pepper instead. Check out the recipe on Rachel's site, Easy Peazy Mealz, and seriously, make these! They were a huge hit tonight, even with the kids - after I convinced Miss Kinley that the peppers were not very spicy, she even ate them! Good luck, and happy cooking!

My First Blogging Attempt...

So, I'm new to this whole blogging thing, but I've been meaning to do it for quite awhile now. My reason? Because some days in my life, things happen that I think are hilarious (or not so hilarious-in fact the exact opposite) that I feel like sharing with others. Also, it may help to keep me mildly sane over the next couple years as I return to school and try to balance being a student, wife, mommy to a 4 year old sassy-pants girl and 2 1/2 year old wild man, and part-time nurse. Oh ya, I'm also the "mommy" to a 3 year old cat, an 8 year-old Welsh Corgi and an 8 week old Dalmation puppy.

 We also just moved from Minnesota where we had a strong support system, daycare, jobs, and friends to Illinois where we have none of the above!! Scratch that, we have jobs (now)- jobs are good! We moved because my wonderful hubby got a job offer that was just too good to pass up. His company also lets us rent a beautiful 3,800 square foot house that we of course love. I mean, what's not to love about a house with a big kitchen (my old one was the size of a shoebox), huge bedrooms, a Master Suite (complete with walk-in closet and jacuzzi tub), an outdoor heated pool and an indoor hot tub?? Add an attached garage, 68 acres and a Christmas tree lot in the back, and ya, they hooked me!

So, I gave up my well-paying job (which I was planning to anyway, since the crazy me decided to go back to school), plucked the kids out of the amazing home daycare they've been in since birth, loaded down our mini van and headed south! We've now all been together in Illinois since the first of November, and I just this week finally got a job! Thank you Lord Jesus! I give huge props to all of the stay-at-home-moms/dads out there, because I just cannot do it! I went from working 40+ hours a week outside the home to working 0 hours a week outside the home and learned a very important lesson: I am not meant to stay home with my kids! I adore and love them dearly, but I do not have the patience of a saint and am just not creative or energetic enough to entertain them all day every day! Add to that the cleaning of this monstrosity of a house I claim to love, and ya, I'm ready to work again!!

I've been an OB nurse for the past 5 years, although the past 2 years, I went into Management, so wasn't taking care of patients nearly enough. I cannot wait to get back to the bedside and be a part of the miracle of birth again! I love helping to bring new life into this world, and to be with women as they become a mommy either for the first time, or again. No two births are the same, and no two women are the same, so every day is a new adventure. And every day is a blessing, honor and privilege to be a part of that special day for that woman and her family.

I'm also going back to school to be a Women's Health Nurse Practitioner, and have decided to go the full-time route. So apparently, I make insane decisions and have to just roll with them! In all fairness, we decided I would go back to school BEFORE we were given this job offer and decided to move, so at the time, it didn't feel like the most insane thing to do! Now, it definitely is overwhelming since I have to find preceptors at hospitals where I know no-one, I had to establish primary care ASAP to get all of my clinical requirement labs and titers done, and I'm going to start a brand new job at the same time as taking 9 graduate credits :) So yup, I feel like a crazy person sometimes, but keep reminding myself it will all be worth it in the end...

Just a glimpse into my crazy life today...I woke up early and actually forced myself out of bed since I have 3 assignments and a quiz due this weekend, and figured, I'd be able to get some homework done before the kiddos woke up. Haha, I really should have known better!! The puppy needed to be let out,  and he then proceeded to start chewing on everything he could find. 10 minutes later (pretty much as soon as I got my laptop and books set up), little man woke up and of course the first words out of his mouth were, "I'm hungry." Well of course you are. You're a 2 1/2 year old boy who eats constantly! So I fed him, sat down and just got my research articles open, and here comes the 4 year old who is hungry too! Ok, got everyone fed, I got settled in front of the computer, started my assignment, and now I have to pee! And the puppy is nipping at the kids. Awesome. Ok. Puppy to his kennel, kids set up with a cartoon (please don't judge me!!), and I got part of an assignment done. Perfect! Now little man needs help wiping his butt, the puppy has to pee, and the dog is chasing the cat around (they are not friends!). Kids are hungry again- really when are they not- and I've only managed one cup of coffee. Time for a shower -the kind where by the end both kids and the cat are "hanging out" with me-  then feed the kids lunch. I manage to shovel mine in between jumping up to answer the demands of "I need more milk," "I need a fork" and "My tummy too full."

Ok, clean up lunch, and stare at the stuff I left out for hubby to eat before I remember (ya, 15 minutes later...) that he told me he wouldn't be home for lunch today. Ok, finish cleaning up the kitchen and sassy pants is whining that she wants to play with "magic sand" again today. I let them play with some yesterday, and it was great messy fun, but I have way more to do today and don't want to clean it up and deal with an hour-long bath after! Yes, I know, mean mom! So I bribed her to chill by making it "Ice Cream Sundae" day and said if they let me finish my lecture, that I would make them the sundaes. I probably shouldn't have done this when I still had an hour's worth of lecture left! Oh well, headphones back in, favorite cartoon on tv (again, no judging!), and water at my side. Look up half an hour later to see both kids jumping off the arm of the couch onto one of the Anywhere Chairs and having a blast. I tell them to stop before someone gets hurt (famous last words!) and because we don't jump on the furniture...and little man takes one more flying leap and bounces off the chair into the bottom of the entertainment center. Bring on the screaming! Rightfully so, for once, as he shows me where he hits his head (I thought it was his leg, from my angle...) and there's the blood. Now, this is the first actual "wound" he has had, which is pretty good for such a rammy boy, so I am just grateful it wasn't worse! We just cleaned it off, thankfully it wasn't a deep cut, put some ointment on, and moved up the ice cream sundaes to now instead of later! And yes, I had one too :)

Of course miss sassy pants has told me she is hungry three times in the hour since she wolfed down her sundae...seriously, are these kids ever not hungry?!?! I'm going to need a second job just to feed them at this rate! Heck, daycare will probably be cheaper than trying to feed them here every day!!! She got a banana....and now we're having hot chocolate while little man sleeps, because frankly, some days you just need a little something to warm ya up!

Now its on to dishes and laundry...oh ya, and counting down the days until I start my new job and get a "break!" 10 days and counting.....