Friday, June 24, 2016

My Chaotic Life

Well, obviously  my life has been a little chaotic since I haven't even been able to find the time to write lately! Between working 1-3 days a week, having 1-2 days of clinical a week, and trying to balance everything at home, I'm starting to feel a little out of control! Of course, in the middle of all that, I also decided to make a huge career/life/school change and decided to switch my Master's major from Women's Health to Midwifery!!

Now, I have to say this: I have felt the pull to become a midwife for probably the last 10 years, but I never thought I'd actually do it, for a couple of reasons. I honestly don't have the highest self-confidence, so I figured there is no way I am actually smart enough or will be good enough to do that. I mean, that is a ton of responsibility to have, knowing you're literally holding the outcomes of two patients in your hands. Second, where we lived in MN, I would have had to travel too far for my clinical experiences, and I really didn't want to leave my family for that long-not when my kids are this little. Third, I wasn't sure I wanted to work nights, weekends, and holidays anymore.

But you know what?? Two of my NP friends and I all started talking about the fact that we can't imagine never delivering a baby again...and we all started feeling the pull again. So, we all 3 dove head first into the adventures of becoming a Certified Nurse-Midwife! And honestly, I have never felt as at peace as I did immediately after making that decision. Is it going to be a huge adjustment for my entire family? Of course! But what kind of example would I be setting for my kiddos if I didn't go after my dreams, simply because of logistics? I'd be telling them that if there are road blocks, then take the easier route. And that's just not OK. The easier route isn't going to make me happy in the long run. It isn't going to be satisfying or fulfilling. So, I am tackling the barriers and going for my dreams! I just hope they can understand and forgive me for some of the sacrifices it means our family will have to make.

Now, before I go, I have to explain what a CNM is. Because I know a lot of you out there are thinking, so a midwife is just someone who delivers babies at home, or they are like a doula who just is a support person to the mom in labor. NOPE!! A Nurse Midwife is someone (female or male!!) who was a nurse first, and then went back for their Masters degree. They are basically a Nurse Practitioner who takes care of women all across their lifespan (from puberty through geriatrics) in the clinic and who also delivers babies (either in a home, birthing center or hospital). Some places, Midwives only care for low-risk pregnancies. Other places, they care for higher-risk mamas, and just have OB back-up. The only thing a Nurse Midwife cannot do that an OB doctor can, is C-sections. We don't do C-sections. Thats it!! Awesome huh?? :D I think so anyway! And that being said, we can still be trained to help in C-sections if we want, as the assistant, so truly, we're very versatile providers! Personally, I feel that I will be a midwife who is less-interventional and more natural as far as the progression of labor. That being said, that doesn't mean I won't support my mamas who want medicated births! There is a difference between intervening in the labor process and giving medications to help with pain. Huge difference! My goal in life is to assist mamas in having the birth that they dreamed of in the safest way possible for mom and baby. Happy, healthy  moms and babies. It is possible!

Honestly, as much as I feel like school is killing me, taking away my life, and making me a bad, inattentive mom, I also know it is helping me discover who I am and who I want to be as a person, a mother, and a professional. I can't wait to see what life has in store for me and to keep you all posted as I go! I hope you all have a great, happy and positive day!